The Secret
by backlash
Summary: Quatre has a sercret slight 3x4
1. Default Chapter Title

i Disclaimer : The usual I don't own any of the characters this is my first Gundam wing fanfiction so please be kind 3x4/i   
  
h4 The Secret/h4  
bBy Backlash/bp  
  
  
Quatre was lying in his bed starring at the ceiling. After returning from a mission the longest month of his life. When he had first left all he wanted to do was get home to Trowa safely it was all he could think of. Now all he could think of is that he was deathly afraid that Trowa would find out what happened. Images of the situation flashed in his mind as he laid in the dark. The sunlight hurt so he covered his window with a blanket. The others hadn't questioned him they just thought he was tired from his mission. Finally Quatre went to take another shower he felt so dirty he wanted the smell and touch off but nothing seemed to work.  
  
As he took his shower he sat in the tub and began to cry. The memories wouldn't go away. The held he legs to his chest and began to shake. Finally he dried off and got dressed. As he re entered his room. Some one grabbed him from behind and Quatre yelled, "bDon't touch me!/b" And jumped away. "Quatre it just me." Stated Trowa "Trowa?"  
"I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare you."  
"Don't worry about it."  
"So how was it?"  
"What?"  
"The mission. I missed you." Trowa approached Quatre but he backed away. "Quatre what's wrong?"  
"Nothing. Why?"  
"You seem different. Like your afraid of me."  
"No. Trowa It's not you." Quatre went to Trowa and hugged him he didn't want to let go but if he didn't Trowa might get suspicious. "Trowa I'm really tired do you mind leaving me alone so I can get some sleep?"  
"Of course." Then he left.  
  
iI wanted my first time to be special to be with Trowa. That bastard stole it away. I am so week I have no right to call myself a Gundam pilot. I haven't really admitted it but it I was raped and now I feel like part of me is missing. Can I ever get it back sitting here in the dark is the only solace I have./i  
  
Two days later Quatre still hadn't come out of his room he had told everyone he was sick. So they wouldn't get suspicious. But someone was someone who new better. Duo wasn't buying the sick act at all. He knocked on Quatre's door but there was no response so he went in. He saw Quatre starring at the ceiling. He approached him and tried to shake him out if it but nothing so he called an ambulance. Luckily the others were out so they wouldn't no a thing.p  
  
The doctor came out, "You're will be OK with some food and rest. Here this is a number for a rape councilor." He handed Duo a card.  
"Rape councilor?"  
"I thought you knew. I'm sorry but there is no mistake but, your friend has been recently raped."  
"WHAT? Can I see him?" The doctor nodded and said, "You can take him home."  
  
Duo walked in as Quatre finished getting dressed. "Are you allright?"  
"Fine I just didn't get a chance to eat. That's all it was."  
"I know that you were raped Quatre." He got a blank look on his face and a tear came down his face.  
  
Back in Quatre's room Duo held him and tried to comfort him. When Trowa walked in. Duo kneeled down infront of Quatre and said tell him. "Tell me what?" Duo left. Quatre couldn't look at him. "Quatre?" "Quatre please look at me." He couldn't. "I can't"  
"Whatever it is I will be right here to help you. I.I love you." "I'm sorry Trowa. You deserve better than me."  
"There is no one better than you. You are my angel. What is wrong? You been quiet for the past couple days. You haven't been yourself." Still he said nothing. Trowa got up to leave but Quatre grabbed his arm and asked, "Are leaving me?"  
"No of course not. Quatre who hurt you?" Then Quatre looked at him. Trowa's fear was confirmed with that look and he new someone hurt his angel.  
"No no one."  
"You're a terrible liar."  
"I'm sorry Trowa please don't be mad."  
"I'm not mad please just tell me what happened." He took Quatre in his arms. Finally Quatre confessed, "I was..I was..ra raped. I sorry."  
"Quatre look at me." He did Trowa continued, "It's not you fault." Quatre broke down and started to cry Trowa held him until he fell asleep. iIf I ever catch the sun of a bitch that hurt my angel he'll wish I just killed him./i  
  
The end?  
  
  



	2. Default Chapter Title

i Disclaimer: all regular disclaimers apply I do not own gundam wing or the characters/i  
  
h1u The Secret part 2/h1/u  
  
By Backlash  
  
Trowa held Quatre's hand as he slept. He wasn't going to leave his side. Quatre already woke up screaming twice. Trowa new there was more to it then what he was saying but wasn't going to push. He new that above all he needed to be strong for his angel.  
  
Meanwhile Duo had told the others about what he learned. They were silent and it really hadn't sunk in yet. "Who did it?" Asked Heero,  
"I don't know. He didn't say." Answered Duo.  
"There is no justice in this. The person who hurt him must pay." They all fell silent.  
"Right I think we need to concentrate on helping Quatre heal." Duo suggested.  
"He's right first we help Quatre get over this trauma." Heero ordered, Then we find the bastard.  
  
Quatre woke with a start. He saw Trowa sleeping in the chair next to his bed. Quatre watched him for a moment. I shouldn't of told Trowa he doesn't need this complication. He's gonna want details I just can't deal with this right now. He looks so peaceful when he sleeps. I wish I wasn't such a burden to him. If only I could cease the pain for a short time. Quatre continued to watch him sleep and covered him with a blanket. The blanket from the window fell the lite woke up Trowa and he saw Quatre run to the window in a panic. He covered it back up. Trowa at the time just thought Quatre didn't want the light to awaken him. Trowa streched and asked, "How long have you been up?"  
"Not long."  
"You could have waken me." Quatre just smiled. "But I didn't want to disturb you again." Trowa put his arms around Quatre and said, "You never disturb me little one." Quatre pushed him away and backed off. "I'm sorry Trowa." Trowa started to approach him but Quatre jumped back again. "I won't hurt you Quatre." "I know you wouldn't mean to." Trowa was puzzled by that comment did Quatre really think that. "Let's go down and have some breakfast." Quatre agreed only so he wouldn't have to talk anymore.  
  
Quatre was holding a glass of juice when Duo said, "Morning Sunshine." Quatre dropped the glass and it shattered, "Quatre are you allright?" Asked Heero but Quatre was quiet.  
**Flashback**  
Quatre was chained up to a wall when the man enter, "Hello Sunshine." The man beat him and kicked him in the gut. "Well sunshine It's time to play."  
  
**End Flashback**  
  
"Quatre? You OK?" Asked Duo  
"What? Yeah I'm fine what were you saying?"  
"You sure you kind of spaced out there for a minute." Quatre left without another word.  
  
Quatre walked over by the lake and held himself. Trying to comfort himself I suppose. He began to think that he was no longer worthy of being loved he needed to set Trowa free. He was no longer the person that Trowa fell in love with he had become weak at least that's how he felt.  
  
"Quatre are you allright? You just left without a word."  
"Trowa we need to talk."  
"About what?"  
"I think that I need some space." Trowa backed away.  
"That's not what I meant."  
"Then what?"  
"I don't think we should be together anymore." Trowa started to appraoch him but Quatre yelled, "STAY AWAY! I don't need you hovering over me. I don't want you around." Quatre turned away tears streaming down his face. Trowa turned him so they were facing eachother and saw. "I am not going anywhere you need me. I. I love you and I want to help."  
"It doesn't matter Goodbye Trowa." He walked away. Trowa new it was a lie, "But it does matter little one I will not let you push me away. You stuck by me when I pushed you away I will not lose you I need you.  
  
Quatre returned to his room and yelled "DAMMIT!" He began throwing things all over the place he saw himself in a mirror and punched it the glass broke and he was bleeding. He crawled to a corner and began to cry. "Oh Trowa I have waited so long to hear you say you love me. Why does it now hurt so much to hear?" He began to rock himself as he cried.  
  
To be continued.  
  



	3. Default Chapter Title

iDisclaimer: I do not own gundam wing or any of the characters /ip  
iThanks to everyone who sent me the great feedback /ipp  
  
  
centerh1uThe Secret Part 3/h1/u/centerp  
centerbBy Backlash/center/bpp  
  
  
Quatre continued to sit on the floor just starring off into nothingness. He could hear a faint sound that sounded like knocking but it just wasn't registering in his mind. He got this far off look in his eyes. His hand continued to bleed but he just didn't care he could live with the pain. It made him feel as though he was still alive and not the walking corpse he felt like. Even though his friends were just downstairs he felt so alone inside.p  
  
  
Heero knocked on Quatre's door hoping to find out what exactly happened to him. He wanted details. There was no answer and figured he would give him some time. Perhaps after he had some time Quatre would tell him what he needed to know.p  
  
Trowa couldn't wait no longer so he entered Quatre's room. It was so dark inside the place was all torn up it looked like it was bombed or something. He saw the shattered mirror it began to worry him. He finally spotted Quatre on the floor and went to him. He didn't say anything he wrapped his hand in a bandage after cleaning it. He was very gentle. Quatre still had a far off look in his eyes as though he wasn't there. Trowa caught him though Quatre for one moment looked into Trowa's eyes the glanced away again. Trowa knew his angel was still there. Quatre's eyes were filled with pain but deep within he's still there. Trowa just needed to help him come back to life so to speak. Trowa picked him up gently and laid him on his bed. Quatre continued to be quiet and stare. "And people say I'm quiet. What are you seeing? what are you searching for?"p  
  
  
Quatre was hiding deep within himself. The hurt and pain he felt was to strong to manage after walking away from Trowa. He had been aware of Trowa the whole time but was afraid to say anything.i This is rediculous I can't hide inside myself forever. Maybe just untill tomorrow./ip  
  
The next day Quatre went for a walk on the beach again to clear his head. When Trowa appeared. The kind of just stood there in silence not knowing what to say. "Quatre.Ah how's your hand?"br  
"OK thanks for wrapping it."br  
"It wasn't a problem. Can we talk?"br  
"About what?"br  
"Us."br  
"There is no us. Not anymore."p  
  
Meanwhile Duo, Heero, and Wufei snuck into Quatre's room to break into his computer files and find out what happened. Duo tripped and Wufei said, "Why don't you just sound an alarm while your at it?"br  
"Excuse me. Man Quatre really did a number on this place."br  
"Both of you shut up. We'll never get anywhere if you continue to bicker." Heero demanded.br They stood around the computer and what they saw amazed them. The mission took place at a lab that had nothing to do with the war. Why would Quatre have been sent there there were detailed files but suddenly they all began to delete themselves. "What the hell?" Duo said,br  
"Something's not right here."p  
  
  
To be continued.  
  
  
  



	4. Default Chapter Title

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters or the show for that matter  
  
  
  
  
  
The secret part 4  
  
By Backlash  
  
"Why are the files self deleting?" Asked Duo  
"There can be only one reason" answered Wufei  
"Which is?" Duo asked as he was staring to get very irritated about the whole situation.  
"It means that whoever sent him the mission probably new what was gonna happen. It also means they don't want anyone to have the details." Heero seemed sure of that.  
  
Back by the beach. Quatre and Trowa were still talking if you want to call it that. "What do you mean there is no us? We can't even be friends? Why are you throwing what we have away?"  
"And what is it that we do have? You can't.. I mean I don't want to be with you anymore." Trowa could see it in his eyes he was lying. Trowa approached him but Quatre got scared and jumped back.  
"Quatre why are you afraid of me? I would never hurt you."  
"I know you wouldn't mean to."  
"That is the second time you've said that what do you mean?"  
"Why can't you just leave it alone?"  
"BEACAUSE I LOVE YOU DAMMIT!" Trowa yelled as if he were trying to hammer it into Quatre.  
"Trowa..." Trowa had tears running down his cheeks. "Trowa please don't cry. I can't stand to see you hurt."  
"Then stop hurting me."  
"Don't you see. I'm hurting you by being with you. You deserve better than me. I'm used goods." Quatre was now crying also.  
  
Trowa began to think So that's it what did those people do to him? Why would he think such a thing? Trowa tried to touch Quatre but he flinched. "I'm sorry." He apologized but this time Trowa was the one who walked away. Quatre didn't mean to hurt him but he couldn't help the way he felt inside. The discust he felt. Innnocent little touches made him feel scared and sick. He was starting to feel dirty again he needed a shower. He thought a walk on the beach would help but the wide open space was starting to get to him. He needed to go back to his dark room it was more secure. Not to mention safe.  
  
Trowa began to walk and stopped at a tree. He picked up a long stick and began to beat the hell out it. Over and over trying to release all the rage he felt. Then as he tired out he fell to the ground and began to cry. He was ripping the grass out of the ground and said, "I don't know who hurt you Quatre but I won't let that sick sun of a bitch take you from me." Then he whispered, "I won't. I can't" This situation was tearing him apart if it was this hard for him imagine how hard it is for Quatre.  
  
  
Quatre returned to his room to find the others crowed around his computer. He simply asked, "Can I help you guys with something?" Duo jumped so high you'ld think he could fly. "You trying to give me a heart attack or something Q?" Wufei spoke up, "WE a were just looking for this." he held up a game disk. "Well you found it so if you wouldn't mind." They left. "Why did you do that? we could of just asked him." asked Duo.  
"Do you really think he would tell you?" asked Wufei. "Wufei is right we need to give him time. When he's ready he'll come to us." stated Heero.  
  
  
Quatre immediately went to the shower and scrubbed so hard he became red. Yet he still didn't feel clean. No matter what he did . Quatre got dressed and noticed in the corner his clothes he wore when he was away. He gathered them up along with some matches and a little gasoline. He brought the stuff outside. The others saw him and watched him. "What's he doing?" asked Wufei. Trowa also saw as he appraoched. Quatre threw the clothes into a metal barrel and then poured the gasoline on it. He struck the match and let it fall. There was a big blaze then it was just burning. Quatre watched the clothes burn. Then he threw in a chain that he had. "Rot in hell." is all he said.   
  
"Quatre." Trowa said as he approached. "Are you OK?" Quatre looked at him and said, "Fine. I'm going to bed." he said it so coldly. Quatre left and Trowa said, "That's it enough is enough I'm going to make hime talk to me."  
  
  
  



	5. Default Chapter Title

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or the show.   
  
  
  
The Secret Part 5  
By Backlash  
  
  
  
Quatre went to his room. He thought burning the painful reminder he would feel better. Unfortunatly it made him remeber more. "No more."  
  
***Flashback***  
  
"Hello, Sunshine ready to take your medicine?" he laughed. He glared at Quatre holding a whipp fondling it in Quatre's face. "After last night I thought you'ld be asleep. You've got stamina. That tells me you want more." Quatre sat on the floor chained to a wall completely defensless. "They really shouldn't have sent someone so weak. Well let the games begin."  
  
***End Flashback****  
  
Trowa was outside of Quatre's door ready to give him a piece of his mind when he heard Quatre saying. "NO MORE! STOP" Trowa tried to go in but the door was locked. After hearing Quatre's cries he busted down the door. "Quatre! Quatre where are you?" then he spotted him. He was hudled in the corner holding himself. Trowa kneeled down besides him. Quatre was shaking but Trowa didn't care if he pulled away he held him and no matter how much he fought he held him. Finally Quatre gave in and held him back. "Please Trowa make it stop."  
"I wish I could take away your pain." He continued to hold him and Quatre laid his head on his shoulder. There was silence for a long time as they sat and just held one another. They fell asleep in eachothers arms.  
  
Quatre woke up to see Trowa still holding him he carefully removed himself from his arms and got up. He needed to think. Trowa must really be tired. I'll cover him up. I wonder why Trowa came to my room for last night. I must of freaked him out when I set that fire. I feel like we've switched places I'm the one that won't reach out. I wish....  
  
Trowa woke up and saw Quatre watching him intently. "I'm sorry about last night Trowa."  
"Don't worry about. I'll always be there when you need me I wish you knew that."  
"I'm sorry."  
"Stop that."  
"Stop what?"  
"You keep apologizing you didn't do anything wrong."  
"I..I know that."  
"Do you? I don't think so."  
"I don't know what you're talking about." he started to walk away. Trowa grabbed his arm feeling the anger come over him.  
"Everytime lately I say what you don't wanna hear you walk away. That's not the Quatre I know. He wouldn't just walk away. He would fight for what's his." That's when Quatre yelled, "I'M NOT HIM THAT QUATRE IS DEAD."  
"No he's not I still see him in you.I just want to help you."  
"I am so sick of this. Fine you want to help here it is. I was a prisoner chained to a wall. I was beaten and raped more than once. That man tortured me and killed my spirit. I can never go back to the way I was. He's in my head everything reminds me of him everything. I am in total darkness and the light hurts me. I'm dead my body just doesn't know it yet. Please Trowa just give up on me I don't have anything left to give." Trowa then realized that Quatre wasn't gone he was just lost and needed a guide to find his way back. "Never. I will never give up on you." they turned around and the others were there listening to everything Heero said, "EVERYONE OUT! I'VE HEARD ENOUGH. I want to speak to Quatre alone."  
  
To be continued.  
  



	6. Default Chapter Title

iDisclaimer: I do not own any of the characters or the show pretty basic disclaimer./i  
  
buAuthors note/u: should I keep going is anyone still reading?/b  
  
The Secret: part 6  
  
By Backlash  
  
  
Heero practically pushed everyone out and closed the door or what was left of it. He motioned Quatre to sit in a chair and he sat as well. Quatre didn't know what to expect. Heero pulled out a deck of cards and placed them on the table. "All right, did you throw everyone out so we could play cards?" he asked. Heero looked at him it was making him very nervous. "You need to relax Quatre. You're putting to much pressure on yourself." he stated.  
"You've been through a terrible ordeal. It's just going to take time. You can get threw though."  
"You think so?"  
"Yes."  
"Everyone wants me to talk about what happened."  
"Yes."  
"I don't know why it's so hard."  
"Trowa cares about you and because of that he gets frustrated. He's hurt ."  
"I didn't mean to hurt him." he said in a low voice.  
"It's not you it's the situation. Don't push yourself. Just let go."  
"So cards huh?"  
"It's a start. Don't talk about things until you are ready. Not before." so Heero began to shuffle and deal. They continued to play Heero kept beating until finally Quatre beat him and yelled, "HA I beat you." he smiled but then Trowa entered and his smile faded. Heero noticed this too. Heero began thinking about it. iTrowa puts Quatre on a pedestal and it's killing him. Quatre lost something and he can't get it back if he's always worried about Trowa. He needs to get away for a while so he can heal and become strong. It's the only way he will be able to go on. I think I know of the perfect place I know I can help him but, I won't do what the others are doing. I won't crowd him he needs to make the first move. It's the only way the healing can begin. He loves Trowa so it will be that much harder to talk to him and Duo is his best friend so it won't be him. Wufei is well Wufei. He needs someone who he can trust be isn't too close to I nominate my self. Sure we're friends but not as close as the others. They aren't gonna like me taking him away so I'll wait till everyone's asleep. I know it's the right thing to do./i  
  
  
Later that night he woke up Quatre and they left. Quatre went along Heero said he would explain later and Quatre took him at his word. It was a 3 hour drive when they got there. It was a cabin by a lake it was beautiful. Quatre stepped out of the car and looked around. "What do you think?"  
"It's beautiful but why are we here."  
"This were you can recover without people hovering all over you."  
"Thanks. What about you I didn't see you pack a bag I didn't either."   
"I brought some stuff for you. I'm going back but I'll be back in a couple days. I thought some quiet time alone before anything else would be good for you." Quatre smiled as Heero left. Sometime for him to think without any interruptions. iMaybe when I come back he'll be ready to talk./i  
  
Trowa was going nuts he couldn't find Quatre anywhere. Wufei ran over to them and said "Here I found a note."  
  
Trowa, Duo and Wufei,  
  
Be back soon went for a drive with Quatre so don't have a fit  
I'll explain when I get back,  
  
Heero  
  
  
A couple hours later.. Trowa was pacing back and fourth. "Man would you stop that you're making me sea sick." Duo said.  
"Where the hell are they. It's been too long to just go for a drive." said and annoyed Trowa. Finally Heero walked in threw the door. Trowa ran outside when Quatre didn't come in expecting to see him there but he didn't.  
  
Trowa was mad he grabbed Heero and yelled, "Where's Quatre." Heero looked at him and said. "Let go. He's safe." Trowa punched him in the jaw. Heero fell to the ground. "Do you really think you're helping him Trowa? you're suffocating him."  
  



	7. Default Chapter Title

iDisclaimer: I do not own Gundam wing or any of the characters/i  
  
biAuthors Note: I want to thank everyone for the awesome feedback I have been getting./b/i  
  
  
  
The Secret part 7  
  
By Backlash  
  
  
Duo and Wufei held back Trowa but he was struggling. Heero began to explain. "Trowa in your heart you know I'm right. Quatre cannot heal if he has to worry about your feelings. This isn't about you he needs time to himself. He needs to talk with someone who isn't so close to the situation. You need time as well." Trowa stopped struggling and said, "All right we'll play it your way for now." he walked away.  
  
Heero new that Trowa's time away from Quatre would be hard. Especially since he was so worried about him but in the long run he was doing what needed to be done. Trowa went to his room and pulled out a picture of himself holding Quatre. They were so happy then. Could an act of violence wipe out what they had together. Not if Trowa could help it he fight for them to be together but the question is would Quatre. There was a time when he could undoubtedly say yes but now he wasn't so sure. He fell asleep clutching the picture to his heart. Hoping it would help fill the gap but, it was no replacement for the real thing.  
  
  
At the cabin Quatre was looking at the stars they were so beautiful. He wished Trowa had been there to share it with him. As he had thought that he had forgotten why Trowa wasn't there only for a split second though. Not moving a muscle except for scratching his arm.  
  
The next day Quatre decided to go outside and walk a bit. The lake was beautiful. He could here birds singing . He walked threw the woods for a bit and came across a wolf crying he was caught in a trap. Quatre approached him and said in a quiet voice. "Don't be scared I'm going to help you." he put his hand out and let the wolf smell him so he would know he was friendly. The wolf licked him and Quatre took that as a sign he petted him then grabbed a stick. To help him get the trap off he opened then the wolf pulled his leg out. Quatre ripped his shirt and bandaged the wolfs wounds. Then the wolf left. The wolf came back for a minute and licked his face and Quatre petted him again and said, "You're welcome." the wolf left this time without coming back. It was the first time Quatre felt good in a long time. Like he wasn't helpless.  
  
Then next day Heero came to the cabin. Quatre was sitting on the porch. Heero approached him and sat next to him. "Everything OK?" asked Quatre.  
"That's my question."  
"So I take it you brought me here so I could talk to you. But you wanted me to have some time to myself first so I could think."  
"Did it help?"  
"A little. Is Trowa OK?"  
"He's fine and he understands."  
"You know when I first came back I thought I didn't want him to know because he would be disgusted with me."  
"And now?"  
"Now I think I was afraid of the image he has of me being shattered."  
"Image?"  
"He thinks of me as an innocent. He's angel. But I'm not I have been tainted. I'm no longer capable of kindness. I'm not his pure virgin angel anymore."  
"I don't see it that way. You were raped you didn't make love. It was forced upon you in my book your still a virgin. Give Trowa a little credit talk to him about it he may surprise you. Don't let some ass hole take away the one person you love the most. Are you ready to tell me what happened?"  
"I think so. I was drugged so there are some missing pieces and gaps."  
"That's OK just tell me what you remember."  
"I was suppose to steal a computer disk. Someone recognized me though and I was caught. The head guys name was Ash. That's were I blacked out I woke up in a cell. Chained to a wall. My back was cut up and my arm was really red. They had whipped me.(Quatre stars to tear up as he remembers) Them Ash came in and beat me some more. He had his men hold me down and he raped me. I can still smell him all over me. He said I was weak and he touched me. When he left I threw up. He did this everyday for a week before I got away."  
"How did you escape?"  
"I knew he had the key on him so the next time he came I pretended that I wanted us to be alone. So he sent his men away. I used the chain and broke the mirror that was in there and I stabbed him with it and then knocked him out. He was still alive I checked. I grabbed the key and stole a jeep." Heero smiled.  
"That was very good Quatre you did great." Quatre wiped away his tears. Then a wolf approached them Heero though he was gonna attack them but Quatre said, "Don't worry he's a friend." Quatre went to him and began to pet him and smile at Heero, "See?" Quatre told him about the wolf and Heero laughed. "What?"  
"Quatre you see you still have your kindness. Otherwise you couldn't have helped him and made friends. Leave it to you to make friends with a wolf."  
"I see your point."  
  
A couple days later they talked some more and Quatre asked Heero as he was getting ready to head back. "Heero it's time I need to see Trowa. Could you asked him to come. I think we need to talk alone." Heero agreed and left.  
  
To be continued: don't worry we're almost there.  
  
  
  
  



	8. Default Chapter Title

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters or the show.  
  
  
  
the Secret part 8  
  
by Backlash  
  
  
  
  
Trowa walked up the steps and knocked on the door. Quatre let him in but was quite nervous about it. They sat down accross from eachother and Quatre kind of just stared off. trowa stared at him. "Do you want something to drink?" asked Quatre.  
"No I'm fine." They were both quiet. Each waiting for the other to say something. They were silent for only a few seconds but it felt like eternity. Trowa could sense that Quatre was nervous and maybe a little scared. "It's Ok Quatre just tell me what you need to tell me."  
"I'm sorry that I hurt you before Trowa. Now that I have had time to think though."  
"Yes?" Trowa asked hopefully.  
"I now know I made the right decision seperating with you. I think a clean break would be the best option. I can except my missions from here. And...." He stopped as Trowa approached him and sat on his knees in front of him. quatre looked away from him he couldn't bare to look at him. "Please don't look at me like that. It's too hard with you looking at me."  
"You think I'm going to make this easy? quatre you can't expect me to do that I love you. Relationships can be hard and sometimes painful but you have to work at them.Together we can get past it your my angel." that's when Quatre snapped he stood up abruptly and walked over to the door and he turned back to Trowa. "That right there you think I'm some pure angel. I'm not I am not some innoccent you have to admire."  
"Quatre calm down."  
"CALM DOWN. you don't love me you love the idea of what you think I am."  
"What do you mean?"  
"Trowa think about it. You think I'm some pure soul that can do know wrong. Some sort of virginal being."  
"That's not true."  
"You don't know the real me."  
"Tell me then who are you?"  
"I'm a weak person. I am dirty and un pure. I am no angel I wish I was dead." he was crying now. Trowa approached him but Quatre yelled, "STAY AWAY!" Trowa ignored him and said, "No, not this time." He placed his hands on his shoulders and said, "Quatre look at me. Please look at me." he reluctantly did. "You are the one who is lost not me. I know exactly who you are and your not perfect you have flaws. You won't always feel this way. You have a kind heart and you always put yourself out there for your friends."  
"Trowa I can't be what you need not now."  
"All I've ever needed or wanted was you. Let me be there for you. Let me help you. Let me love."  
"But Trowa I'm damaged. I'm."  
"No your not. Your just hurt." This time Quatre let him hold him without a fight. "Trowa I don't know how long before I can..Before I can.."  
"I would wait eternity to be with you." Quatre laughed and Trowa asked, "What?"  
"When did you become so sappy Trowa Barton?" trowa and Quatre still had a long ways to go but they could get threw if they fought hard enough.  
  
  
To be continued:  
  
  
special note in the next chapter the rapist will appear. I love feedback so please tell me how I'm doing so far.  
  
  



	9. Default Chapter Title

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or the show.  
  
  
  
  
The Secret Part 9  
  
by Backlash  
  
  
Quatre was still having a hard time but it was starting to get a little easier. He continued to have nightmares but they seemed different. He still hadn't told Trowa any of the details. He knew Heero wouldn't say anything if he didn't want him to.   
  
Trowa loved Quatre but every since the rape he started missing the little things Quatre used to do. Like hugging him all the time just for no reason other than he loved him and wanted to show him. Or Quatre telling him he loved him. Smiling at him when he new Trowa needed it. Even missed him holding him when he new that's all he needed to feel safe. Now it was Trowa saying I love you all the time. Quatre hasn't said it since the rape. Now Trowa had to initiate any type of hugging or just to hold him. i I wonder if this is how he felt when I hadn't said I loved him. He still won't talk to me about what happened but it's OK I can wait./i  
  
  
Quatre hadn't been out the house alone since the rape except for when he was at the cabin and outside by their house. He was beginning to feel like a hermit. Trowa was being very patient with him through this whole ordeal and they were even starting to feel happy again.  
  
  
A month later Quatre was feeling pretty good. He went to find Trowa . Trowa was lying on his bed asleep. Quatre smiled and crawled into bed and laid against him. This is the first time he had ever touched him on his own since the rape. He put his arms around Trowa and held him. Trowa woke up to this and smiled. "Quatre." he simply said, "I love you Trowa." Trowa smiled more and replied, "I missed hearing you say that." "Your beautiful when you sleep. Like an angel."  
"That's my line." Quatre started to get up. "Where you going?"  
"I'll be right back." he started to leave but stepped back and gave Trowa a kiss on the cheek. As Trowa waited he touched his cheek and smiled his angel was coming back slowly but still he was.  
  
Quatre came back a moment later with a little giftwrapped box. He handed it to him. Trowa unwrapped it and smiled, "Quatre I couldn't this was your father's." It was a silver pocket watch. "Please I want you to it. There's an inscription." Trowa read it. It said Forever. "That's how long I will love you." "Thank you I will treasure it always." Then Quatre went to him and they held eachother.   
  
  
Trowa loved the fact that Quatre came to him but, started to think When Heero came over. "Heero I never got a chance to apologize."  
"Forget it. How's Quatre doing?"  
"He's doing better. He actually told me he loved me and let me hold him."  
"That's not normal?"  
"Not since the rape. He told you what happened didn't he?"  
"Parts he doesn't remember everything. I think he left out a few details though." Trowa wasn't going to push the subject he wanted Quatre to come to him. Why hadn't he though didn't he trust him enough or did he trust him at all? He had a terrible feeling that the worst was not over.  
  
Quatre was doing his best to get over the rape for Trowa. He enjoyed holding him but he was scared that Trowa wanted more and he just wasn't ready to give it yet. He new that Trowa would wait but there was a fear that he couldn't get rid of. That something bad was going to happen but what?  
  
  
Quatre went into town for the first time. He had a coffee at a cafe then went for a walk. He felt strange as though someone were following him. He took a wrong turn and the street turned out to be a dead end. When he turned around there was figure blocking his way. He said "Hello Sunshine."  
  
To be continued  
  
  
  



	10. Default Chapter Title

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters or the show for that matter  
  
  
  
  
  
The Secret part 10  
  
By Backlash  
  
  
  
Quatre was cornered he couldn't believe his luck Not again. Ash approached him slowly. Quatre felt numb the fear was starting to take over he had to get away. Quatre three a trash can at him when he fell to the ground. Quatre ran past him but Ash grabbed his leg and Quatre kicked him and began to run. Ash laughed and yelled, "Go ahead and run. There is no place to run."   
  
Quatre was completely lost he didn't know where to go he found him self at the docks. All there was is water he turned to go back the ways he came but Ash stood in his way.  
"Why won't you leave me alone?" asked Quatre in a trembling voice.  
"I'm having to much fun. You know I've been watching you. Maybe when I'm done with you I'll have some fun with that guy you were hugging."  
"You leave Trowa alone."  
"Don't worry I want to use you all up first. Time to play." Quatre searched for a way out but he couldn't find a way out. He turned to the water. It's a pretty lengthy swim to the house but there were no other alternatives. So he jumped in and began to swim. "You can't allude me forever." he called.  
  
  
Meanwhile Trowa was going nuts. "Relax Trowa he just went that cafe for coffee." Duo said.  
"It doesn't take three hours to drink coffee."  
"Talk about a mother hen." Wufei remarked.  
"Really Trowa you're worrying about nothing." then Trowa snapped.  
"When the person you love more than anything is raped and attacked and you fail to protect them come talk to me. Until then you don't know what your talking about."  
"Look I'm sorry I didn't think. I'm sure he's allright." Trowa stared at the door his heart beating to fast he was terrified. He should have went with him. But Quatre wanted to go alone to prove he could.  
"I hope so Duo." he said in a low voice.  
  
Quatre continued to swim but was very exhausted. He could see the beach by the house and headed for it. i Stupid stupid stupid. I just ran like a scared little kid. I have to face that monster or I'll never get passed this. What he said I have to protect Trowa. Why does my arm itch so much Every since I was a prisoner. I am such an idiot. What if he put some kind of tracer on my arm . That has to be it how else would he have found me. That would explain it I could use this to my advantage./i  
  
Quatre made it to land and was quite out of breath. He needed some sleep before he could think of what to do next. He came threw the door and Trowa ran over to him and hugged him hard. Like his life depended on it. i Does he know what happened?/i  
"Trowa what's wrong?"  
"Why are you so wet Q?" asked Duo.  
"Ah. I.. I went..for a swim yeah. That's it I went for a swim." he answered.  
"In your clothes?" Wufei questioned. Trowa looked very scared but retreated to his room.  
  
Trowa sat on his bed and rocked himself. He still had fear in him and didn't understand why. Quatre watched from the hallway wondering if he should tell Trowa what happened. "Trowa?" he saw tears coming down his cheeks. So Quatre rushed to him. " Please don't cry I hate to see you cry please Trowa what's wrong?"  
"I'm sorry Quatre I tried to be strong for you."  
"You've been great. Let me help you."  
"When you took so long I got scared. I was afraid something happened to you. I'm so useless I couldn't protect you and you were hurt."  
"Trowa you weren't even there and was nothing you could have done."  
"You were in such pain and I couldn't help." Quatre held him and rocked him and said in a soothing tone. "You helped me more then you'll ever know. Knowing I had to get back to you is what kept me going. If not for you I would have died a long time ago." i Now I must protect you from the same fate./i Trowa fell asleep in his arms. after that Quatre went to his room. He used an x ray device and found he was correct there was a homing device of some kind.  
  
Quatre packed some stuff. Along with a gun and some rope. He was going to go to the cabin and wait from Ash to come for him. Except this time Quatre would be waiting. He left a letter for Trowa on the front it said do not open for 24 hours. before he left he had went to see Trowa one last time just in case. He told everyone he had family business to attend to. "You sure you don't want me to come?" asked Trowa Quatre said no and began to leave but ran back to him and hugged him and said "You know I love you right?"   
"Yes I know. I'm sorry I broke down last night."  
"No need to apologize. No matter what happens I'll always love you Trowa. Please never forget that." Then he left.  
  
  
Next chapter will be a face off. Can Quatre beat him or will Ash be waiting.  
  



	11. Default Chapter Title

disclaimer: i do not won any of the gundam wing characters or the show. They belong to somebody else.  
  
  
  
  
  
h1 The secret part 11 /h1  
  
by Backlash  
  
  
Trowa had a strange feeling that Quatre wasn't telling him the truth. We was acting rather suspicious. So he went to Quatre's room and saw an envelope with his name on it. It also said not to open for twenty four hours but hell with that. he wasn't gonna wait around especially with this bad feeling nagging at him. it read  
  
  
i Dear Trowa,  
  
I'm sorry I lied about where I was going.  
But, I needed some time to think.  
It has nothing to do with you so please don't think that.  
I love you more and more with every passing second.  
Always remember that no matter what happens. I hope you know how much you mean to   
me. I'm always with you.  
  
Love always,  
Quatre./ipp  
  
  
  
Something's not right why would he leave me a letter like this. It's almost like he doesn't he'll he's coming back. He needs to think he probly went to the cabin again I'll go to him and see what's going on.  
  
  
Quatre arrived at the cabin and placed a chair in the middle of the room. He watched the door vigilantly holding his gun. He was scared but was ready to do what needed to be done. He watched the door intently. As he watched a figure came up behind him and grabbed him. Quatre dropped the gun and fell backwards. Ash was on top of him He's very strong. "Hello Sunshine miss me?" Ash pulled out a needle but Quatre punched him in the jaw. Quatre ran to the kitchen and grabbed a knife. They faced off and Ash said, "Well sunshine I never took you to have a killers instinct." He rushed Quatre and they struggled with the knife. He stabbed Quatre in the gut with it. Quatre fell to the ground the pain was unbearable. He was losing blood fast. "You know I get such a high from killing. I also get a high from taking sex when I want it like I did with you. I think taking you as you die will be my best high ever. This won't hurt to much"  
  
"Wrong. It's gonna hurt like hell." a voice said. Quatre turned his head and saw a figure.  
"Trowa?" Trowa grabbed Ash and beat the shit out of him. He threw him to the ground and kicked him repeatedly. His rage got the better of him and he began to strangle him. "Trowa, if you kill him we'll never get him out of our lives." Trowa didn't care he was gonna kill him but then he heard Quatre cry out in pain and rushed over to him. Trowa cradled him in his arms. "Don't you even think about dying on me Quatre. I have a lot of yelling at you I need to do."   
  
Quatre fell unconscience and Ash rose to his feet with the gun. He drew it and pointed it at the two boys." "I'll kill you then take sunshine for a ride." Trowa was terrified not for himself but for Quatre. Then he heard growling it was the wolf he jumped on the man and tore out his throat. Then the wolf approached Quatre and licked his face. He looked at Trowa and left.  
  
"At the hospital Trowa was waiting for the doctor. The others hadn't arrived yet. "Mr. Barton?"  
"How is he?"  
"He'll be fine the knife missed his vital organs."  
"Can I see him?"  
"Yes he should wake up soon."  
  
  
Quatre woke up to see Trowa pacing back and forth and he looked pissed. "You're finally awake. I'm glad because there is something I want to..... ARE YOU NUTS? what the hell were you thinking?"  
"I..I was."   
"You went up a rapist all by your self."  
"Tro." Trowa interrupts again.  
"he could have killed you or worse. Why?"  
"I ...."  
"I poured my heart out to you and told you I was afraid of losing you. And what do you do you almost get yourself killed. As if your dying would reassure me why Quatre why? Well are you gonna answer me or what?"  
"Trowa I."  
"That's typical taking chances like that." Quatre got mad.  
"WOULD YOU SHUT UP AND LISTEN I DID IT TO PROTECT YOU JERK." it was the first time anyone has told Trowa to shut up. "Trowa I'm sorry but he said he would come after you and I didn't want you to go through that hell. He took so much from me I couldn't bare to loose you. Have I?"  
"No never. I love you. I'm sorry I yelled I was just scared for you." Quatre smile then Trowa leaned down and kissed him. Trowa climbed into bed with Quatre and they fell asleep in eachother's arms.  
  
  



	12. Default Chapter Title

Disclaimer: I don not own Gundam wing or any of the characters  
  
  
  
The Secret epilogue.  
By Backlash  
  
  
Quatre was finally released from the hospital. Trowa took him someplace where they could be alone and Quatre could heal. Still being weak from the stab wound. The events that took place in the cabin still plagued him. He hoped it wouldn't be too hard to forget. Trowa told him what happened after he passed out. It didn't help knowing he went there to protect Trowa and instead he was almost shot. He still couldn't get passed the rape but , At least it didn't disgust him to hold or kiss Trowa, but at times it felt uneasy. He was also worried that Trowa was still mad at him.  
  
Trowa could tell that something was bothering him. The truth is that things weren't settled between them yet. Trowa felt like Quatre couldn't trust him. After all he didn't tell him what happened and he went off alone. He pushed him away for a long time too. They needed closure before they could move on.  
  
They were both sitting on the beach watching the sunrise. Both wanting to tell the other about how they felt. Trowa reached out for Quatre's hand but Quatre didn't expect this and jumped. Trowa retracted his hand. Quatre didn't mean to do it. Now it's like a habit. Trowa finally asked in a low voice, "Quatre do you trust me?"  
"What? yes of course." he asked in a shocked voice. he felt that Trowa didn't believe him and continued. "I trust you more than anyone. Why would you ask?"  
"It's just. Well it doesn't feel like it. You didn't tell me about the rape in the first place. Then you took off on your own."  
"Trowa I told you I was trying to protect you."  
"I know but..." Quatre put his hand on Trowa's cheek and said, "Trowa after I was raped I didn't tell you because I was scared not because I couldn't trust you. I didn't want you to be disgusted with me. I thought you would be better off with someone else."  
"So you walked away. I get that but I never would have left you."  
"I know that now but then things were scrambled in my head.I'm a little better now though. I don't think I'll ever truly be over the rape though. I can never forget. I think I'll trust people even less. But that does not apply to you."  
"Is there something else Quatre. It feels like you need to unload as well."  
"I'm sorry I didn't protect you."  
"you did everything you could."  
"Are you still mad at me?"  
"I wasn't mad at you just the situation." he hugged him.   
  
Quatre was still fragile from the rape but Trowa's love began to help him heal. He even started to have fun again and go back on missions. Trowa vowed to never let anyone take away Quatre again. Soon the nightmares faded. Quatre was glad that Trowa wasn't the one to kill Ash. Sometimes he could swear that when he was sad that he could see the wolf. It must be his imagination right? Quatre and Trowa were happy once again.  
  
  
  
The End  
  



End file.
